I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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