I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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