I just threw up on my dentist
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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