Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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