Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Then you guys just all showered together...?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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