The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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