I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
