His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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