Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
