Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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