My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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