1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
