his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
