its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
