You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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