I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You were trust falling into bushes
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
