Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
