what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
