he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
