I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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