My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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