just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
