How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
