hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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