so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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