Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
