If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My feet surprised me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
