R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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