my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
sex in a hospital.. check
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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