Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
