I met the friendliest cop last night
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
