I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
