need another drink. this is the easiest way
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
