I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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