Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
