waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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