allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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