Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
