your room smells of hookers.
And success
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
