Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
