Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
