Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
