No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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