I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
