i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
