I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
