oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
