I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
