Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
