I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
